So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
