I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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