I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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