I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
