Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize