it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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