ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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