I just gift wrapped bread.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
