Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
