I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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