Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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