I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
