it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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