Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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