Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why do cheetos always look like penises
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
