You smell like stripper and shame
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
