I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
