the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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