don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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