I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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