I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
