Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize