She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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