so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Holy sore nipples Batman
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
