worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
