Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
