whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
