One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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