you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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