If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
operation have a gay friend backfired
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
