Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
