Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
