can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Randomize
