listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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