I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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