I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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