I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
