I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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