Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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