Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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