Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my being single is dangerous.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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