guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I stole a fireplace last night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
