I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
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The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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