Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
