Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
