Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
