billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
