You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
