If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize