I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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