This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
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I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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