Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
