but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
