i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
