Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
