I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
