You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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