yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
