You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
