My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize